Frequently Asked Questions

If you have not heard the news, GFEMS will shut down its operations by the end of the year. I am sending this note mainly because, as you can imagine, many well-meaning people are asking essential questions about me, the organisation and the sector. This note aims to pre-empt the awkwardness that might exist or address the proverbial elephant in the room so we can have deeper conversations beyond these questions.

 

Firstly…..

  1. I am grateful for everyone reaching out and for the beautiful notes and words of support sent to me. I do not take it for granted. I joked and said that, in some ways, it feels like attending my burial. Two friends were quick to comment that it was not my burial, and even if it was, this perspective at a time of death is always more honest. You can see the people grieving and celebrating a well-lived life. You can also see the people dancing on the grave. The situation calls for honesty, which most of us are uncomfortable with.

  2. I will not give further details or lessons learned around this; if that is what you are waiting for, I am sorry to disappoint you.

 

 

FAQ

 

1. Are you okay?

 

Depending on our relationship, this question will be answered differently, but the short answer is NO, and I do not think anyone can be okay now. I am not OK, but I am in the best possible position to handle my not being OK. I am grateful that this is what most people are leading with. I want to assume that people are seeing my humanity first, which is beautiful and hopeful.

 

2. What next for you?

This is a question I do not know how to answer yet, and its answer is something I will discover in the same ways I have always found answers, in reflection and in my community. I have always been an activist and practitioner first in my work, and that does not change in any way moving forward. Therefore, there isn't technically a "what next".

I find wisdom in the words of Audre Lorde, who said that we were never meant to survive. If I am not meant to survive, I take every opportunity, every step, every win, every loss, and every day with a sense of gratitude and awareness that I was not entitled to it and will never be entitled to it. These words have also brought me a sense of power because when you fundamentally know that everything is designed to make sure you do not survive, you also realise that any power you have is not drawn from the things around you and, therefore, can never be taken away from you. This is the liberation.

Practical what is next for me:

  • To try and sleep more

  • To finally graduate from my driving class

  • To re-learn how to swim

 

3. How can we support you?

I will repeat that depending on our relationship, this will look different. However, I will point out that most of us have learned to ask this question without expecting honest requests and demands. Many of us ask this question to feel like we have done the right thing when we inherently cannot or, in some circumstances, do not want to help. So, as you know, theoretical support and practical support are different. Most of the time, the latter might cost you something; that is the price we pay to make the world better for all of us. Instead of asking me this question, I would like you to reflect on it to yourself: Do you want to support it, and if you do, what do you think is practical? If we are in a closer relationship, this is not a thing that needs to be explained. If we are not in a closer relationship, please come to me with practical things you can do, and we can discuss them.

One of the beautiful things I have managed to do is weave a community around me that genuinely loves and treasures me. I belong to them, draw my strength, and find my identity; I am always grounded by them. I am supported in so many visible and invisible ways.

4. What does this mean for survivor leadership and the sector?

I am glad for those that are asking these tough questions. The answer is I don't know. My activism has always been for us to move beyond representational politics in this sector, and my actions have always been focused on highlighting, expanding and sharing the ways that survivors are diverse and cannot be put in one box. There are so many more brilliant people than me who are still doing this work and will continue doing it; it’s them that we should always spotlight. What I do is build over the painful labour of other survivor leaders, some of whom are not with us anymore; I hope that my work never draws people to me but rather draws them to the issue and community.

If you feel that this fundamentally says something about the sector and survivor leadership, please have those uncomfortable conversations. It’s all in the spirit of a movement that wants to grow.

 

5. What is your hope?

This question is similar to what is subsequent but slightly different. I have always said I am a tired activist but remain firmly a prisoner of hope. 

My hope has never changed; I hope our work and knowledge continue to make the world a better place. I hope we continue to be more radical about what we believe is true. I continue to hope and see movements rise to fight oppression. It might not end in our day, but we will make sure fewer people are harmed by it in our lifetime.

 

 

Finally…..

To my community who have found such tender ways to love me since this journey started, you are the MVPs! I owe everything I am to you. I remain a student of how to be in a community due to what you have shown me. Special shout out to my partner, whose friendship, love, and unwavering support consistently remind me why we should always start with people and end with people.

 

Sophie Otiende